So how could i tell? I feel there is something not right here, some kind of personality disorder which led me to your article on Aspergers. Psychiatrists say its me that learned, for survival, to mimic my family, my parents. What's The Link Between Asperger's Syndrome And Narcissistic She was always the ultimate giver and forgiver. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy.org. Im seeing it from a distance now and shaking my head that I put up with him for so long. He drives 20 miles to see me, we used to take turns but now I cant go to his house anymore because of the dog. I cannot change her, she is the way she is. The DVD was called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome. He spoke about one of his patients having an attitude that he was king and the rest of his family were his servants. I cannot help but point out any inconsistencies or double standards and am unable to take them in my stride or let them go. Am not religious, a scientist but not a materialist. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. Maybe thats just evidence that some things can be more than one thing, and that someone can be a bit Aspergers AND a bit narcissistic. Others dont want to see me.. i dont want to see them gg lol. Break up and never look back. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. My question is, is it possible for someone who is narcisstic to have a result from one of these quizzes that comes back saying he is likely autistic when he is not? I made that decision and Im the happiest Ive been in all my life. She knew how to push my buttons, and even as an adult would purposely try to hurt me. When I first met him I thought he talked a lot but he did ask me a few questions about myself and we got along okay. The Aspergers description is clumsily written and inaccurate. I experienced first-hand an autistic person who didnt allow me to say no, heavily used guilt-tripping, and overall emotionally manipulated me through means of guilt in order to get what he wanted from me. I tried to encourage him to get himself assessed but he said he didnt see the point given his age he didnt think it would be beneficial. All I said to her was that she struggled with things like object constancy and devaluation etc. Ive read Frederics contribution and the confusion and anger he expresses is difficult to read. Is it common for people to be a narcissist and be Autistic? Aspergers in Australia is now called Autism and is on the autism spectrum. Because my family were nasty game players, I became more desperate to fit in and then easier to use and manipulate. Thanks so much for helping me. I felt I had accurately diagnosed him as an Aspie many moons ago, wirh no empathy and it did feel better when I realised it was not all my fault. I have a daughter that is Level 2 on the Autism spectrum. In the beginning he would say inappropriate remarks about other women in front of me telling me I was too sensitive when I asked him not to do that. You need to free yourself and only you can do it. The more I got to know him I realized he would talk incessantly about himself, his daughters, his hobbies, his past job in law enforcement, his health. Another candidate could be Anders Breivik interestingly enough having copied and pasted bits from the unabombers manifest changing leftist to cultural marxist. I havent had the courage to put myself back out there since an adult diagnosis because I want to get things right and dont feel Im ready. In the most severe instances, the person demonstrates sociopathic tendencies or antisocial personality. They are dead inside completly. Ive a small group of friends so this support helps. They pushed me and then sometimes helped or suggested me student loan or something like that, that they would sign for me etc. I do not understand why people do not play fair or how anyone could willing hurt or gain pleasure from deliberately hurting another human being. This is because they are two separate conditions with separate causes. Why are you stealing x.. or lying about your friends. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! I cant even be sure where im on the parts of the list but im truly egoistic. I have really been encouraged by reading your article and the comments different people have made. He is obsessed with his teeth. Drugs, ECT, resting away from the world in a mental hospital did not help. I do not accept any kind of social heirarchies to me everyone is just a human being. It sounds as though you may have to make a stand and for yourself as life will not change until you do. They cant or wouldnt. To understand her better I read books, watched DVDs and sought any other information that was informative. And in this situation knowing he is a narcissist has taken a lot of my wounding away from our very difficult relationship and I have come to terms with how our relationship is. When trying to leave a narcissist it is hard and they will keep pulling you in if you let them. Life is much better now, I know not to expect her to do things straightaway, but to work up to them. He clearly resents that. Industrial society has encouraged narcissism from the start each level of so called progress, is actually only progress toward pure narcissism all round. Read this if you think you don't have Aspergers It is my understanding that autism is a developmental / brain wiring difference and narcissm is a personality disorder. I am an advocate for marriage, I believe in it and I greived greatly when my marriage ended. What does he contribute as the isolation you are feeling isnt healthy for you. I would be relieved to leave a legacy. I spent my life thinking i was worth nothing ill try to be worth something now. I have to say Id not come across this behaviour at all and wondered what was happening, but we never consummated this union as I was very, very unsure about this particular intimate activity. I wonder myself, as I learned eventually to to tap into my mothers sanity, albeit temporarily, which was a gift in itself. Its what life dishes out and therapy is incredibly expensive too. And while they were all working on their own masterplans to ruins everyones life i was seeing, understanding the lies, manipulations. We were not monogamous. Retrieved from https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/04/050411204511.htm. Both.. one after another.. a decade in between each other.. parent tried to kill me. If I try to see him through glass I can see that he is self-obsessed, opinionated, considers himself always right (which he almost always is because of his intelligence) can be arrogant and is consumed with his own family, their happiness and his health. I did briefly contemplate he may be autistic given there are some similarities in behaviour but on reflection I dont believe this to be so. I have a 32 year old daughter who still lives with me and has high functioning autism, her personality is nothing like his was. I am more aware now and conclude that one or both of my parents may have been narcissistic, and one maybe HSP also, which may have brought on schizophrenic symptoms. You have to change yourself, of course with Gods great help and leading. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. Could it be your loved one displays symptoms of both? My ASD Child: Is it Asperger's or Narcissism or Both? Other autistics actually have an excess of empathy- a bit like the HSP (I wonder if all HSPs are actually autistic but that I dont know). Most worrisome is that he repeats the same stories of his job, his ex wives, his children like hes never told them before. In addition to related terms, my husband has been linked to narcissism and Asperger's by people concerned about him and others in his life. Lol but heh who knows. Very kind regards, Hi Jenny, Only when I moved out from the shared house did I lose my fear of her. The limit is other people's recognition. He sure as hell wasnt schizophrenic. He can repeat a story so many times I have it memorized. Im allergic to dogs but it only mattered to him what she wanted. I might be too, just not as much as him so I try and sympathize with his unusual behavior but its getting harder to do. Even if i explain and show how my mother tried 3 times in 15 years to push me to suicide by enabling gambling and making me have loans i didnt even want. Like today . She even pushed me to lose 100,000$ i had won gmabling while i was just tyring to quit knowing it was all going back. I had a terrible time, her anger and contempt directed at me, humiliating and really scary for me. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. Thank you for your GoodTherapy posts. When Good Workers Go Bad | Psychology Today Years and years of therapy and what not forced me to aknowledge that i often hurt people making them feel stupid or lowered by the way i talk about myself ad my abilities like its just pocket change normal making others feel like shit while all i was trying to do and truly was.. being humble. But anyway if anyone has any ideas id like to hear it. It took me a lot of book reading and watching DVDs to begin to understand where my daughter was coming from and it was very much of a relief to finally understand what I was doing wrong in the way I was handling her. Yes you are right, some days I feel okay then others I feel I have failed and sad. We arent all bad people you know. An APA study in 2021 found that 79 percent of workers reported work-related stress, with many heading for burnout. I was desperate for attention and conversation and no abuse and so I had several sexual encounters that he just found out about and now I dont know how to end this all. And I remembered for the first time that I had been abused as a child. Its like a surgeon in a surgery room see a person bleeding to death and hes like well hope you will clean up the mess when you get better cauz i wont and leave I mean.. its insane They have 0 logic.. 0 brain. We have mused together over the years that we are on our marriage version X.0 (I think were on 6.0 now), but this time is the final time shell put up with my shenanigans. Do I really like this man, no. I am very smart and could rebuild my life maybe im still 38 yo so i could. How many diagnosed autistic people get pushed aside due to this belief? Its a good idea to leave writing about autism to autistics. I also realise I have been happy to get into narcissistic relationships in the past without knowing what I was getting into. Does he object if you want to go out independently, and if so he may well be narcissistic in his behaviour. This is one that helped me to lift the clouds of confusion I had. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. He keeps demanding support, care, listening, which is reasonable, but I get very little. Even if i am myself very smart allowing to study on my own and discover things others couldnt etc. This disrupts her organised thought patterns and she goes into meltdown. Life is smoother now I know where she is coming from. All I suggest Jean, is that you do as much research on both these subjects as possible to put you own mind at rest. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. Be found at the exact moment they are searching. A total war going on but its not on a military or country level. He knew he carried something but he didnt inform me, so I had to presume he had either been diagnosed or had taught himself to be careful in certain areas of his behaviour, mainly due to getting himself into hot water in the past, I imagine. I experienced a narcissistic marriage for 38 years and was on the bottom rung of the ladder when I made the decision to get help. I ahd to return to him and now think he is in fact autistic but had a very narc mother and grandmother who he learned to relate from in other words he plays by their rules because that is all he knows. For the narcissist it is always about themselves and in a very selfish manner. He has recently come to terms with the fact he may have high functioning autism. That was just the trigger. the list of traits which supposedly apply (without variance) to high-functioning autistic people is insulting. When I was recovering from my first breakdown, an understanding friend helped me a lot, talked to me, we talked all afternoon once a week for about a year, many hours! This is how YOU know The Aspie World 233K subscribers Join Subscribe 1.2K Share 24K views 1 year ago #Autism #ASPERGERS #Narcissism This is the. My father has a warped sense of reality, but at the same time he is quite anti social and has reccently had issues with anxiety. Hello Freja, I understand there are four levels of autism. How what??? did the husband have head injuries in the past? metal poisoning, food intolerance etc The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. The person I encountered six months ago is very highly intelligent and kept telling me he was confused at times and aware Im being triggered by his behaviour. But Im sure lots of couples overcome these difficulties or learn to live around each other in less conventional ways. Do You Have Aspergers Or Narcissism? With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? I loved the world, everyone. For many of us that is something we can only dream of. Because of the similarities between Asperger's and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is frequently confusion. Oh i was not that smart i mean it was crazy to do that but with the list of things i was dealing with (ADHD, autism, bipolar, borderline, ptsd, violence etc) i guess i was allowed to not be perfect? I will certainly go to that site as you suggest because as you can see from my texts I dont know which way is up anymore just that something is not right. That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. Research I have found has moved me forward in my understanding. We are seeing a trend with people, mostly men who come from families of both NPD on one side and ASD on the other side of the family. your next words were, you might find there wasnt that many good things. How true, there was only feeling dehumanized and worth very little to him. It appears mirror neurons also play a role in personality condition-related issues. Narcissism or Asperger's? How to Tell the Difference Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. So i sit on my disability.. i write .. study.. take meds.. smoke some mari to help the anxiety and i just relax. Thats all the worst of the abuse. 'Do I Have Asperger's or Narcissistic Personality Disorder?' - HuffPost 4. verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. He is the most loyal and dependable person I know and treats me like his queen. I lived with him for around 38 years and one of the worst things to be experienced is the manipulation and degrading of personal self and loneliness under the barrage of rot they seem to like to dish up. I have read that child abuse survivors sometime drift into or plunge into abusive relationships as adults. Here is a link that gives quite a good explanation: autismspectrum.org.au/sites/default/files/Vic/The%20DSM%205%20Autism%20Spectrum%20Disorder%20criteria.pdf Another was made by the psychologist Dr Richard Eisenmajer called Imagine Having Aspergers Syndrome, A first consultation. Because there are many individuals that are not the same? I know I have this gift as it comes easily to me if I need to use it, and I have needed to use it from time to time, to protect myself and to guide another if they were willing to look deeply into themselves and their background. He was a great one for untruths, it worries my daughter to not stick with the truth. He never asks how I am, and only asks what I think about something to help him make a decision, because hes incapable of making them. Very poor social interaction. Yes these two afflictions are both on the autism spectrum, but are somewhat different. Warm regards, Jean. He meets ALL the criteria. I feel tremendous empathy knowing hes probably had to deal with the way he is his whole life, him not understanding why he has run ins with other people. I let the way that others treat me and respond around me dictate how I then think and feel about myself. Living with a narcistic man I now see he had me just where he wanted me and that was always below him and to never feel anything good for myself. I tick many of the boxes of the list in this article and its so confusing. A daughter who was recently diagnosed in the same autism range as my unmarried daughter, and a son who is much lower on the spectrum and yet another daughter in that family who is normal. Sign up and Get Listed. If I do not go to my basket willingly, then I ahve found that the verbal attacks would become more and more hostile until eventually I would be physically attacked. there I said it, is the world still running? It was after almost 2 weeks without a single grain of rice. Nikola Tesla, Steve Jobs, Sir Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Temple Grandin, Albert Einstein, Barbara McClintock, just to name a few. So very saddening. I have lost count of how many emails I have sent, doors knocked, letters posted, complaints to councils made, about the noise neighbours we have had make. She likens it to living in a bubble and when she steps out of that bubble and she cant handle it, anxiety takes over. Hes clueless about the damage he causes. But he also has always needed to be in control and cannot accept the thought that he is not so does all he can to remain in control. Furthermore, many on the autistic spectrum are hyper-empathic and hyper-feeling, and if you speak with autistic people, you would know that. It is not 100% of course but the symptoms you describe are also expected with both low testosterone and therefore can start even before 40, but also due to head injury or events replicating the inflammation of head injury, e.g. The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. I am also a survivor of pretty horrendous child sexual and physical abuse, starting in my first year of life and going on till puberty (age about 12 or 13) when the perpetrator lost interest in me and turned his attention elsewhere. They say narcissists and sociopaths prey on nice people and people with compromising mental conditions. She has worked through her own massive emotional abuse growing up and I am in awe of her as a person. I appreciate the goals of this article, however the content on autism is very inaccurate and based on outdated misconceptions about autism. This means being around people she doesnt know causes her anxiety she cant control, so to counteract this she retreats back into her safe place. A few months later there was a second flashback. Asperger's syndrome may manifest as narcissistic social isolation, as well as difficulty reading others' feelings. I believe that is always possible. Also someone with Asbergers focusses more on themselves, where as the Narcissistic person focusses on criticising and manipulating others. My ex husband was a narcissist bordering on psychopathic. After 5 days of texts on and off telling me he wasnt feeling good (he did have a cold) and then not returning a phone call when he said he would, I very nicely wished him well and said goodbye. The World and technology is moving so fast and many of us are not equipped to deal with it at all, and not because we arent willing. Have you spoken to him about this area of your relationship or are you concerned you will trigger a rage. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I told him this once and he said maybe you shouldnt be with me then. I believe his Dad AND Grandfather were the same controlling, hurtful type of people. Yes, there can definitely be a difficulty mixing with ordinary people, it appears to me that there is a deeper and more involved line of thought with someone with aspergers, whereas it is more surface thoughts with the ordinary type of people, unless they actually specialise in a particular subject. Dont give up as you will be holding the answers for yourself deep inside yourselves. It is helpful to be flexible and adaptable. Its the detail that is the secret for this unfortunate person , to be unravelled, somehow , and that is where trust is crucial and most elusive. Perhaps if they are seeing and are subjected to these traits then there is a possibility of developing them. It is very important to me. There was an element of narcissism too. The light she shines on me is scary at times. If this fellow you have been seeing does have Aspergers as you mentioned he watches the same movie over and over, you will need to learn as much as you can about the condition to be able to understand how to handle someone with it. There is no way I can leave apart from the fact that he could not manage without me, I am 83 and not able to consider going elsewhere I have no friends or family, I would be on my own. My husband has some from both but primarily Narcissism but just got diagnosed in 1 hour for Asperger. This doesnt happen as much now . Were taking time apart now as he thinks were not compatible because I didnt show enough interest in some historical place we were at and I lectured for an hour (was really about 15) about a subject I liked while at another historical place and he feels the list has gotten too long.. Should I chalk it up or try to understand this affectionate but one sided man? Dont take it personally and dont be surprised. Psys and therapists say its impossible that i be narc, impossible. Asperger's does not exist in a bubble that protects it from co-morbid disabilities and mental defects. yes. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? Good day Yes, they are as varied in character as other folk. So i have the autistic ways but i also have narcs traits. But.. No i ahve.. never been happier or .. less sad? Narcissism actually exists on a continuum where at its most severe you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), not Antisocial/ Sociopathic personality as is suggested in the article. Yes, autism is not easy to understand, but learning about it helps with understanding where that person on the spectrum is, and makes for a far easier life. My sister phones me from time to time, but she doesnt want to hear any more about my abuse. That fact made me suffer so much, i believed people to be much smarter, better I never believed i was a genius or that smart, i just believed i was over the average and it was fine like that. The Truth About Autism And Narcissism - Mental Health Matters Cofe As a therapist working with people affected by someone elses personality condition, Im often asked the question, How do I know if my partner is a narcissist or if they have Aspergers? This is an interesting question. This is not something any of my family have had to encounter before and I really struggle with it. Im a Christian and like the verse that says He that covers over his sins shall not prosper and vengeance is mine, I will repay and he who troubles his house shall inherit the wind. He then insists I look at them several times a day, tells me hates them, and he cant cope with how upset they make him. I feel totally blessed to have a 2nd chance and we have had a lot of terrific times together. I personally feel if anyone wants a good example of a full blown narcissist, the president of the USA is one of them. He has qualities from both sides of the chart straight from the top to the bottom. I have a narcisstic Mother who thinks she has Asbergers. I now understand my daughter a whole lot better and why she thinks like she does. Some very dangerously incorrect information about autistic people here, probably better for you to leave it to actually autistic people. Its.. 1 by 1.. each individuals.. the society is collapsing and i watch the horror just happy.. that finally i can just live without all that pain. I am very grateful he is in my life. Is it Asperger's or Narcissism or Both? Its when they dropped the food with my in tears crying cauz i was seeing food i locked the moment in my head never forget who you live with.. never forget the truth never forget . They are blind.. they see nothing. I think you are barking up the wrong tree your first mistake is to assume aspergers and high functioning autism are the same thing THEY ARE NOT! The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. I need context for everything to understand it. I have been with my partner for more than 12 years now. From what you have said I can see a certain amount of manipulation going on. He has refused to look on property websites because its too stressful, and hes fed up of seeing the same old crap but then the minute he gets stressed accusing me of not doing enough to find us a home, caring too much about being cheap, and that Im selfish. I am struggling with a manager who appears to have high functioning autism / narcissism. I am so pleased that you have managed to have a good relationship with your mother. Take care with this as you may need support when you tackle this issue. There could be a variance either way for the autism and the same with the narcissistic traits. Attracting people outside your own age group is an Asperger's trait. The difference is that while all people with Aspergers are narcissistic (not NPD, but self-centered; it's a central trait), all people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are definitely not aspergers, and can be the total opposite: super smooth and charming. Im guessing he didnt understand that his guilt-tripping behaviour was in fact guilt-tripping and would cause me to feel horrible, because he has the autistic trait of not having some of that surface-level emotional and situational understanding.

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