The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Happy 60th Birthday filled with lot of happiness and joy! But he loves you. Try spelling Evian backward. 1. . And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.25.Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.26.Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?27.How is it possible to have a civil war?28.War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower-class men off to die.29.Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.30.Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Carlin is well-known for pivoting from a strait-laced, suit-and-tie approach to standup in the late 1960s and early . Maybe this time itll work., One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor., Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town., Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity., Its never just a game when youre winning., I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam., Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy., People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think., I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that., A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff., If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little., Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. George Carlin: The Best Inspirational Quotes by The Late Comedic Genius Comedian There's a humorous side to every situation. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. Our views are no different: the man was a legend. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood. Share with your friends. The challenge is to find it. Showing search results for "George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes" sorted by relevance. //Best George Carlin Quotes of All Time - LiveAbout 65th Birthday Birthday Wishes Funny Birthday Friends Husband Advertising God Birthday Funny Catholic Humanity Driving Addiction Smile World Movies Reason Libraries Lies. May your birthday bring you good luck to last for the whole year. Some are funny, some are insightful, but they're all packed with his typical brutal honesty. God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Documentary, Comedy, 1984. Tweet. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. And when you suspend your individual beauty you also give up a lot of your humanity. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.9.Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? 218 Copy quote. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Maybe this time it'll work. "Don't just teach your children to read. Whats the matter with you? That's the problem." "Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." " Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity ." "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? William Butler Yeats: "From our birthday, until we die, / Is but the winking of an eye." Plato: "Old age: A great sense of calm and freedom. TIME takes a look at some of the legendary comedian's most memorable lines. If I cared about Mickey Mouse's birthday I would have memorized it years ago! You are such a sweetheart babe! Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. Age, Pay, Hell. Forget the politicians. "The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.". If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity. One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like. And I'd send him a card, 'Dear Mickey, Happy Birthday, Love George'. Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town. The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. "The planet is fine. 86 Copy quote. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. It is a celebration of someone that is loved and greatly admired. A person of good intelligence and of sensitivity cannot exist in this society very long without having some anger about the inequality - and it's not just a bleeding-heart, knee-jerk, liberal kind of a thing - it is just a normal human reaction to a nonsensical set of values where we have cinnamon flavored dental floss and there are people sleeping in the street. If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him. Below are the absolute best quotes we could find from this legendary comedians career. Selfish, Leader, Ignorant. In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. Napalm & Silly Putty, Hyperion. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.45.I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam.46.I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.47.Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. Custom and user added quotes with pictures, If a movie is described as a romantic comedy you can usually find me next door playing pinball, When I got out of high school they retired my jersey, but it was for hygiene and sanitary reasons, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" "The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.". "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. People are wonderful. The 50 Most Encouraging Virgil Abloh Quotes, The 51 Most Memorable Angela Davis Quotes, 25 Motivational Tim Tebow Quotes Every Sports Fan Can Relate To, 123 Meaningful Deep Quotes About Life To Supercharge Your Life, The 50 Most Uplifting Personal Growth Quotes. Our goal is to help you by delivering amazing quotes to bring inspiration, personal growth, love and happiness to your everyday life. George will always be remembered by his fans for the influence he has had on various angles of their lives. Good. God has a three-day weekend.44.Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. 70 Wise Quotes From George Carlin George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. George Carlin 60th Birthday Jokes - Search Quotes Live album by George Carlin, 1988. Do you get on before you get on? Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. May you have a delicious and partylicious birthday! Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. Did you hear me? 1.Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? Happy Birthday! Every day we present the best quotes! If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. Probably far more. A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.23.Thats why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.24.I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. The Kennedy Center posthumously awarded this year's Mark Twain Prize for American Humor to George Carlin. The experiment raised a [] More, by Quotezine Team April 5, 2018, 5:36 pm. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts.18.In America, anyone can become president. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.48.Atheism is a non-prophet organization.49.So, have a little fun. He's just sayin' that stuff.'. 60 really looks great on you! If it makes you feel better, fine. 40 George Carlin Quotes On Pride, American Dream | Turtle Quotes What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's. "People are wonderful one at a time. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.". Showing search results for "George Carlin Birthday" sorted by relevance. It seems only right. His life and work have become influential in a lot of aspects, leaving a legacy of laughs, wisdom and valuable lessons. George Carlin. You have no choice. Soon enough youll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.50.Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.51.I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. August 26, 2013. CBS / Landov "Weather tonight: dark. She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. Happy Birthday to you, my dearest friend. The only difference is I look a whole lot older now. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept. Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. If you vote and you elect dishonest, incompetent people into office who screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. It is time to sing and dance, and it is time for birthday bumps! And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.". As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established. Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. We haven't tried that for a while. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

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